Pastoring young adults gives Julie and I the chance to speak into lives of men and women as they search for "the one."
We hear it all.
"Is that person the one?"
"How do we know?"
"What was it like for you and Julie?"
"There aren't very many good ones out there."
"Are my standards too high?"
"Should I date that person?"
"I have concerns about...."
The list can go on and on.
Here's what we often tell singles. First, keep your focus on Jesus and grow in relationship with Him. Second, serve Jesus wholeheartedly. Third, build deep, genuine friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ. Fourth, do not compromise any physical boundaries. Fifth, pursue Jesus. Sixth, if you are in a dating relationship, work on it but at the same time, be willing to walk away.
Recently, Louie Giglio gave messages on dating and marriage. I encourage you to check them out. The first is "Becoming Someone vs. Finding Somebody." He followed that up with the message "Why Date?"
One thing that I did before meeting Julie was create a list of what I hoped to find in a spouse. Although not necessary, I think creating a list is a good idea for those who are single. But do this after much prayer and seeking the Lord. The list you come up with will give you an idea of what you are looking for.
I created this list during my first semester in seminary (Fall of 1993):
1. Is a sold-out Christian. She must love the Lord with all her heart and have a growing relationship with Him.
2. Her service to God, whether full-time or volunteer, must be from an outgrowth of her relationship with the Lord. Must have a desire to serve the Lord wholeheartedly.
3. Must have a great personality
· Loving
· Kind
· Friendly
· Fun
· Caring
· Intelligent
· Outgoing
· Unselfish
· Respected
4. Someone from a strong family background
5. Someone who believes in morals and strong family values
6. Someone who wants to have a family
7. Someone who I can communicate with and someone with whom I can share my ideas. Someone who I can confide in and share my deepest thoughts and not have to worry about her telling anyone. She will be someone who I can trust when it comes to discussing issues regarding decision-making. Together, we can come up with the best possible answers.
8. Someone who is very physically attractive. She has to be beautiful. Preferably someone who looks like a pretty volleyball player.
9. Someone who I will think is the best and someone who will think I am the best.
10. Someone who will definitely “Rock my world!”
11. Someone who is socially keen and aware of the things going on around her.
12. Someone who knows how to balance independence with knowing what it takes to build a solid relationship and will work to accomplish that goal.
13. Someone who either likes to run, exercise or play sports.
On June 24, 2003, at the age of 33, I met Julie for the first time. We were married on November 6, 2004. To this day, I can testify to the fact that "God is good!"
If you are not married, I want to encourage you to wait patiently on the Lord and grow in Christ. Be patient, don't rush, and don't force anything. Do not let pressure or fear of life-long loneliness force you to make a decision you will later regret. Do not let your friends, parents, siblings, well-meaning people, or culture pressure you into getting married. Let God direct you.
I say this as a guy who got married at 34. For whatever reason, God did not bring the right person into my life until that time. All that being said, marrying the right person is totally worth the wait!
Through the years
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| Dating in 2004 |
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| 2008 |
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