"I'm not a pastor"

    

Part of my week is spent studying the Bible and preparing for Sunday sermons in various coffee shops around the island. I go to different coffee shops to avoid being seen as a "squatter" and to break any potential monotony that arises from going to the same place.

For me, studying God's Word and preparing sermons in coffee shops are aspects I enjoy about being a pastor. In addition to studying, it allows me to observe people, observe culture, and get a sense of trends taking place.

Last week, I studied at a coffee shop and noticed a man with several Bibles and a bag-full of commentaries. I've never ever seen anyone bring as many Bibles and commentaries to a coffee shop--EVER!

This man studied the Bible with great fervor and tremendous intensity. He appeared to believe what he was studying and exuded a silent fire from within.

"I wonder what church he pastors," I thought to myself.

I had this man pegged. I just knew he was a pastor. In my mind, I pictured his preaching style, leadership style and the kind of church he pastored. So I approached the man and the first words out of my mouth were, "Where are you a pastor?"

"I'm not a pastor," the man responded. "I'm just a regular guy who loves Jesus and who wants to learn more about God."

It was that awkward three seconds of silence where you look at each other not knowing how to respond. To break the awkwardness, I asked the most obvious question, "Where do you go to church?"

"Calvary Chapel of Honolulu," he responded.

We had a great conversation. Meeting this man left me thinking deeply about 1 Timothy 2:15: "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."

I have often applied 1 Timothy 2:15 more from my role as pastor and less for me as a person.

It is natural for us pastors to examine scripture in light of how it relates to our sermons, ministry or pastoral knowledge. But we often fail to allow scripture the chance to affect our personal lives.

Here's the problem. Ministry can become our great buffer. Ministry often protects us from dealing with ourselves and revealing outwardly to others where we stand before God. As long as the final product looks good, no one will ask the serious personal questions.

We can preach great sermons about God being powerful while, at the same time, not experience that life ourselves. As a result, far too many pastors are burning out, turning cynical, and treating ministry like a job and not a call.

Taking serious inventory of how and why we study scripture can reveal our heart condition. If our priority in studying scripture is to make our sermons better, to build a better ministry or to gain knowledge for apologetics debates--if all that takes precedence over knowing Jesus, we become the object of our affection.

That is idolatry.

We misrepresent Jesus. Over time, we will have a hard time hearing God, we avoid dealing with areas that God wants to address, and we eventually ignore sin issues that could destroy us.

Are you a pastor who preaches powerful sermons on Sundays only to be miserable on Monday, powerless on Tuesday, disconnected on Wednesday, hopeless on Thursday, frustrated on Friday and sad on Saturday? Could it be that ministry has become your god? Have you built your identity so much on ministry that you have become your own god?

Let us take time this week to examine our hearts and where we stand with God. Is Jesus truly the object of our affection or are we putting ourselves above God?  Who do we love more, God or ourselves?

Thinking about my conversation with the man last week makes me shudder because it may reveal the real condition of my heart. Instead of asking "Where are you a pastor?" The better questions should have been "What part of the Bible are you reading?" "What has Jesus shown you lately?" "How is Jesus changing your life?"

Whatever the case, my conversation with the man has given me a chance to stop, pause and reflect on whether Jesus is truly the object of my affection. These were some of the passages from scripture that I prayed through this week:

God, I want to seek you above all else

"Oh God, you are my God; I shall seek you earnestly;

My soul thirsts for you; My soul yearns for you,

in a dry an weary land where there is no water." -Psalm 63:1

God, reveal to me areas I need to make right with you

"O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all." -Psalm 139:1-4

God, let me put you before everything else

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33

God sees me as His child redeemed through Jesus. Likewise, I need to approach Him with reckless abandon--like a child who knows that his dad loves him and wants the best relationship with him.  

Let us do that this week. Pursue our Heavenly Father because you love Him.